No Dame Good

Given the recent story about the Notre Dame linebacker who placed second in the Heisman race and his non-existent dead online girlfriend, perhaps Notre Dame should consider a name change: How about No Dame or, better yet, No Dame Good.

Heroes often fail. And apparently so does the media. Start with checking facts. Media gets burned in three-way script. Dead girl supposedly attended Stanford, a team the hero's team defeats in one of those last-minute-it-could've-gone-either way games. Believed dead girl sends one of those made-for-the movies only dying messages:

"Yes, I'm fading fast but don't bother; the team and the Heisman needs you more. Besides you'd only get to hold me for short time. You can hug up to that Heisman forever, not to mention the signing bonus."

With a name like Charlie Rose you'd thought he'd have smelled something. Where's Hildy Johnson when we really need him? They just don't make real media people like they used to, ones who never end sentences in a preposition.

Now that all the Mele Kalikimaki has been blown out of this fairy tale, a burning question lingers. What if the linebacker had won the coveted Heisman? What would've the institution, No Dame Good, done then, conferred with the Pope before deciding on the right thing to do or rolled out Lou Holt to smooth talk their way out of it.

Now that one thinks about it the headline could go something like this: The Glib One Wins One For The Gipper. Talk about porous defenses. Forget Alabama. Anyway one slices it, Touchdown Jesus gave up a passel of points on this one.